Monday, July 11, 2011

Out Of The Fire & Into The Son -- Part 2

Each day brings it's own set of challenges, victories, stumblings & rewards. But you know, no matter what I may be facing, I know that there is One Who is always there with me. In fact He has already gone before me, so I need not fret or worry over the picture before me, because He knows the end result even though I don't. Is it easy to always sit back, not worry or wonder and allow the LORD to handle things when you are in the midst of a pressing circumstance? No! Let's be real here...it's only natural to stress, worry and wonder about how you might overcome the crooked path laid before you, but that's when we really need to exercise our faith. Yes, even our faith requires a regular workout to stay healthy and to grow stronger in the LORD.

As things began to deteriorate in the marriage, there was a definite separation taking place that I could feel in my heart. It wasn't a separation just in the natural (communication, physical, mental, emotional, etc.,) there was a separation in the spirit that was taking place. The spiritual connection that we once had as a couple was fleeting rapidly. Finding us on the same pew Church was one thing, but our inner spiritual lives were definitely going in opposite directions. I'm not saying one was more holy than the other nor do I mean to say that one of us were right and the other wrong....what we were experiencing individually at the time, I guess you could say, was right for each of us at the time. Over the course of time, the distance was clearly able to be seen. Where one of us could be found in the house of the Lord during service times & in Bible study not just at home but with fellow believers, the other could be found in front of the tv, or socializing with friends over a beer or cigarette. Am I condemning one or the other for their choices, no. We all do what we feel we need to do for ourselves at the time.

Regardless of the situation at hand, I prayed and believed for the LORD to reconcile the relationship. As bad as things were in the home, I still prayed for things to not end. I did ask the LORD to not allow things to go on as they had been though. I remember the day as clear as if it were happening now....the day that the LORD showed me a glimpse of what I was about to go through. I had bent down beside my bed to pick up a book from the floor, when all of a sudden I heard a voice ask me, "do you love him?" I turned to see who was there but I was alone in the room. Again I heard the question, "do you love him?" I paused for a moment and said to myself, "yes, I do love him as a person but not for who he is now and has become." As soon as I spoke those words, I felt as if I just had a heavy blanket lifted from me.

It was a few days later when things began to snowball....as if they hadn't been going down a slippery slope already. I found out that our home was going into foreclosure due to non-payment (that I wasn't aware of), my husband had already rented an apartment for himself without my knowledge as well as a myriad of other events that I won't go into. But suffice it to say, it was now definite...divorce was in the works whether I liked it or not.

Working only part time, I began to wonder how I would support myself on just my income. Where would I live if our home couldn't be saved from foreclosure? If I had to go to an apartment what would I do with all the pets? With the economy as it is, would I be able to find a full time job...one that paid well and offered some type of benefit? Would I be able to afford the note on my vehicle? Question upon question raced through my mind & I will admit, a sense of uneasiness began to try and over take me. Stress, anxiety & self doubt tried to rear it's ugly head as well. But GOD.....GOD never failed me. How HE worked things out I do not know but I owe everything I have to HM and thank HIM for where I am now.

As time seemed to tick faster and faster with each passing moment, I can look back over the last year and see the hand of GOD steadily at work in my life and on my behalf. The enemy tried his best to throw road blocks and fiery darts my way but the LORD was my ever present shield. With HIS help I was able to afford to put a down payment on my very own place. Not only did I not have to give up any of my pets, I was a home owner. I was offered the chance to increase my work hours which was a financial blessing for certain. I had relationships restored and some that the LORD removed for good reason. I was able to keep my vehicle and maintain the payments. Life felt as if it were finally going in the right direction & that the gray skies were moving out of the way. I remember my Dad saying to me as a child, "satan won't mess with you as long he thinks your not a threat, but as soon as you start messing up the devil's playhouse, that's when all hell can break out." No truer words of wisdom were ever spoken, because just as things were finally looking up, all hell broke loose. I lost my job, the divorce was finalized, my home had an attempted break in, my savings was dwindling rapidly, one of my beloved pets passed away...it was as if my world was being turned upside down and I had no way to control what was happening.

No matter what it looked like, GOD was still working in the supernatural on my behalf. I couldn't see anything being worked out or how things were going to get better but in GOD'S proper time, things did work out as HE had already planned them to be. During the trials did I stay focused consistently on the LORD and give over all of my reservations, stress, worry to HIM? I won't lie....no, I didn't. There were times that I had the fear of "what if," "how will I ever," "what am I going to do" waive over me. It was the loving support of a very dear friend that help to remind me in what I felt were my darkest hours, that GOD does everything for a reason. One comment that my friend reminded me often was this, "GOD never lets you go through anything alone. He is positioning you for bigger and better things ahead, but you just might not be ready at this point to receive the next thing HE has in store for you. So, until then, just allow HIM to ready you & don't give thought to what you can't control."

Even though I was without work for what seemed like eternity to me, the LORD made sure that I never missed a beat. My bills were paid on time, the mortgage & vehicle notes were never late and I didn't go hungry....heck there were even times when I not only had my meals, I had desert too! GOD will never skimp on HIS children, after all HE is our example of how to be a giver. So why would we think HE would only cast scraps to HIS children?

As I reflect on where I have been to where I am now, I can't imagine how I would have made it without my LORD. It's one thing to have your family & friends supporting you with encouragement, but it's a whole other thing when the One who created the Heavens is working on your behalf. Without HIM....well....I don't even want to try & think about it. I have been blessed in ways that you can't even begin to imagine. As I sit and look around my home, I can't help but feel humbled. Humbled that the LORD gave me not just a roof over my head, but my very own home. I have been blessed with a new full time job that I just love. I am constantly surrounded by those that I hold dearest to me. But most of all, I am so blessed to have a Heavenly Father that I know will never leave me or forsake me.

Today would have marked my 13th wedding anniversary. Do I feel sad or depressed over it? Not at all. I cherish the good times that were had and the things I learned, but in my heart I rejoice at the new beginning I have in my life. When one door closes, the LORD will most definitely open another door. Most times it will be a much better door than what the one you previously walked through. The threshold that I stand before now is one that I will walk through only as long as my Saviour is right there with me. I love the lyric in the Avalon song that says, "I don't want to go somewhere if I know that Your not there." I truly don't want to go anywhere without the LORD.

**Click HERE for Part 1

2 comments:

Mrs. B, a very peculiar person said...

Hello My Dear Internet Friend,

It has been far too long since I've posted a comment BUT please know that I have not forgotten you. As a matter of fact, a little over a year ago, maybe 18 mo. ago, the Lord placed you on my heart and I began praying for you. Although you never mentioned it, I just knew in my spirit that you were experiencing the heart wrenching agony of divorce. I have prayed for you and continue to pray for you.
I am so pleased to read your words of praise for our Lord through the dificulties of the past year. Keeping your eyes upon Him is what has brought you through this and will continue to carry you through the rest of your journey.
In Christ' Love,
Mrs.B

Rednexx Girl said...

Thank you so much for your encouraging prayers. Yes, it has been a trying time & there have been the ups and downs along the way but only because of our LORD have I been able to get through it. HE has placed such wonderful people in my life. I know the hand of GOD was & is at work still.