Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Facade

Life brings many challenges and hurdles along the way, and with it also can be happy times. But when the memories start to fade & the waters ahead seem to be filled with muck...where do you turn? What do you do?

Do you give in to the circumstance that is set before you (and has been for years) or do you "suck it up" as they say and get over it?

Each day in our lives bring upon us things that can be used as learned experiences, but some of those lessons can really sting like nothing you ever want to feel. But unfortunately you have felt that sting time and time again.

Trust...where have you gone? Why have you left me ~ yet again?

Tears...why do you continually fall. Don't you know that you are of no use? are supposed to be so strong and high. Why have you not protected me? are an all too familiar friend.

Time heals all wounds so the old adage goes. What they fail to mention is that time can also give way to new wounds. So does time really heal them or just give a false sense of sedation until the next war wound comes along?

You meet a familiar face in the store and they ask how your doing. The anger and pain inside wants to tell them the truth, but really, who cares? They just want to hear the cliche "oh things are going great," so you give them that empty smile to go along with it to satisfy the senses. But deep inside you are empty...just empty.

If you do make the mistake of letting someone in to know what's really going on, you soon regret it. You knew what was to come..."oh it can't be that bad" they say. "You should do this" or "you should do that" they tell you. Not that any opinion was ever asked for, you only wanted their ear. So you move on. It's better to be the picture they paint of you than the window pane that allows them to see within. So you close the curtain to what they don't need to know.

Thoughts and ideas that used to meet you everywhere you turn become distant memories. All that awaits to greet you now is mire and eclectic facades of who and what you have become. But is this good enough? No. The measuring tape has always been out and the verdict has remained the same...old or new, it just doesn't measure up. So those that said they care or love just move on.

It gets easier and easier for you to not want to hold onto anything or anyone. It makes it easier when you loose that which you knew you never had in the first place.


Mrs. B, a very peculiar person said...

Although we often hide our real feelings, and sometimes even our real selves, from others, as Christians we can always take comfort in knowing that our Lord knows exactly where we are AND what we are going through. In our weakness, He is strong.

Psalms 138:7, "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me."

Kristina said...

Hon, I am a new reader and not sure what is exactly on your heart...but I just lifted you up to Him to heal your heart....XOXOXO

mrshester said...

I have no wisdom to share, I have no sage advice. I just want you to know you are in my thoughts. I feel alot like this alot of the time. But to know there are people out there who love me regardless of my inner turmoil gives me some peace. I love you, dear sister, and I hope things look brighter for you soon.